Softball moms shed tears as a player is experiencing a serious injury that could make her lose her career painfully.

Softball moms shed tears as a player is experiencing a serious injury that could make her lose her career painfully.

Everyone has witnessed it. Sobbing while playing softball. Generally speaking, a lot of people believe that girls are just big cryers and that since softball is such an emotional sport, crying is just normal. Naturally, there are also a ton of proverbs and phrases that state things like, “There is no crying in baseball” or that link crying in sports to bad attitudes and poor sportsmanship.

In the previous tournament I went to, the pitcher for the losing team left the field after losing in an international tiebreaker, hurling her glove against the fence, yelling and pouting angrily at her teammates, and eventually withdrawing to the parking lot, where her mother came to comfort her for what felt like an hour. She appeared to be a spoilt 14-year-old brat to everyone observing, and she believed she possessed some kind of elitist syndrome that allowed her to justify blaming the team’s loss on the other players. She pitched brilliantly, and even though it was a fiercely competitive game, they lost by a single point. In this instance, the crying was inappropriate and excessive, especially since there were still four games to play that day. (Incidentally, they dropped the remaining games that day, probably because of their unwavering attitude.)

I recently witnessed an undefeated season team lose the region championship game in the final inning. Many of their teammates gently shook hands with the opposition team and left with their heads held high, wiping away tears of evident disappointment. Nobody was hindered by tears or showed subpar sportsmanship. All it was was an overall feeling of letdown.

These illustrations serve to contrast the two main categories of softball weeping. It’s acceptable and natural to cry when you’re sad or because you’ve lost. There are always a few glimmers of tears in the corners of the players’ eyes when you watch the Women’s College World Series championship game. The cameras also capture views of the disappointed team that lost the game. The distinction is that none of these girls are sobbing uncontrollably and bursting at the seams. At least not with people looking on.

disillusionment1It is disappointing to lose. However, dropping a game—even a close one—is a normal occurrence in softball. There is a winner and a loser in every game played in every venue and on every field. That is, after all, the purpose of the scoreboard. Even though it’s not a strategy for ever winning, “getting used” to losing or accepting continual failure is a necessary aspect of the game.

I recently heard from a young girl competing in a 14U competition that her team hasn’t won a game in five events this fall. She wasn’t in tears, but she was unhappy and upset. She was really just adamant. I informed her that, although they were a young squad, “their day was coming.” When this girl eventually experiences her first victory, I can only imagine her sobbing with happiness. Seeing something come to pass after putting in so much effort for so long is absolutely worth a few happy tears.

However, moaning endlessly about hitting a home run, making a mistake, falling behind, or losing a game doesn’t really benefit your team. “Save your tears for the pillow,” as Abby Lee Miller once said. You will simply increase the bad vibes on the field if you enter your dugout crying or leave it crying like an infant.

Quite frankly, in softball, as in all sports, there is a place, a time, and even a gauge for crying. Tears are undoubtedly brought on by disappointment, but skilled athletes and winning teams use it as motivation to do better! Thus, give it some thought, and then let it go!

Finding out why you, your child, or your team is sobbing is another crucial aspect to remember. Are they crying out of remorse or because they didn’t give it their all? Are they crying out of blame and humiliation, or out of anger and frustration? Are they crying out of resentment toward their teammates?

Or are they just crying out of disappointment?

The response to tears is also quite significant. While it’s frequently a parent’s first instinct to tolerate excessive crying and console their child, this is seldom the solution, especially if the player and team gave it their best on the field. The children should constantly be taught to have an eye on the future when it comes to softball and life, not that they shouldn’t be allowed to explore their feelings. What has already occurred has already occurred, cannot be undone, and only has the meaning that is permitted to exist. Does it define the team or you?

The fact that there is always someone better than you is one of the best lessons to be learned in softball. This implies that there is never a moment to give up and get complacent, to stop trying, or to think for even a moment that there is nothing more to aim for. Something more is constantly on the horizon, ready to happen. Another day to step up to the plate, another mountain to climb, another goal to accomplish, another opportunity, another talent to polish, another game to win.

Now let’s get back to the initial query. In softball, is sobbing acceptable? The response. Yes, just like with every sport, softball has its own place, timing, and even an acceptable amount of sobbing. Nevertheless, there are boundaries, and the players’ (and coaches’) personal use of the disappointment must always be directed toward reaching higher goals the next time.